The Return to the Wizard

I dedicate this story to Amanda, who introduced me to the wizard of Trans;

and to Andy, who was my wizard of story-telling in art and life.


I. The Dark Forest


When I lay down to rest, I did not know that it was going to be the last night of my life as I had known and understood life. My experience had been that I generally slept very deeply, and that my dream time often overlapped into real time. There were moments that I split-screened within my mind and spirit, spontaneously finding myself in two different dimensions simultaneously. Whatever it was that occurred this time, though, would send me into another dimension completely. And this time, there would be no return.

The last thing that I remember was eating a bowl of oats late in the evening, and watching a film, Baraka, before falling asleep. I remember my feline friend, Little Guy, jumping up onto the duvet to settle in for a night of rest at my feet. I remember that I was exhausted, but after a long day of work, that was nothing out of the ordinary. I remember strong emotion welling up deep within me as I gazed into the eyes of the indigenous people who were featured within the film. I felt as if I were seeing into a familiar and former life of my own. I remember that there was an unexplained knowing of an ancient past inside of me. It moved me to tears. Then, I fell asleep. That is all that I remember prior to my reality shifting. Completely.

I found myself awake, immobilized with fear, standing alone in a dark forest at night. It did not feel friendly; it felt diabolic. There were eyes; I could not see them, but I could feel them following my movements. I looked around and saw nothing but forest in all directions. Tall, old, dead trees with some kind of strange moss hanging from their branches, and large, craggy boulders were scattered about as if the gods had thrown dice and let them lay untouched until Destiny would decide its strategy. I was confused. What is this place? How did I get here? Which way do I walk? I tried to find a path; if one existed it eluded me. Where is the moon? No illumination was present; no stars or moon or night sky to guide me. I began to walk, sensing that if I walked long enough, and far enough, I would eventually find a house, or people or a village. I took comfort in my belief that the morning sun would eventually rise. I could hear something rustling through the dead leaves, and then the haunting moan of some unseen, tormented soul. Something moved; I caught a glimpse of it in the corner of my eye, turned, and for a moment thought that I had seen my spirit guide, Crone. As soon as the vision registered, it was gone. I summoned, “Crone?” There was no response. I continued walking without knowledge of any destination. Strangely, neither the moon nor the sun ever rose. Without their presence, I could not count the number of days or nights that had passed, nor know how far I had walked. I continued through the forest, often tripping, sometimes falling to the ground in the darkness. Pockets empty, I had the clothes on my back, the same clothes that I was wearing when I had fallen asleep on my bed. I had my socks on, but I had no shoes. I was thirsty, dehydrated and could not sense the presence of any water, let alone life, in the darkness. I continued walking, slowly weakening with each step, my essence draining from my body. I cried out, “Spirit?” There was no response. “SPIRIT?!” Still no response. Spiraling into fear, I walked faster, tripped, and fell to the earth. I felt a snake slither over my hand. My fear awakened what little strength that I had left within me. I could not surrender now. I had to move on, but I was becoming delirious. I thought that I saw two more of my spirit guides: Samuel standing motionless, palms facing me; Erik taking his sword to the head of some grotesque reptilian creature. As soon as they appeared, they were gone. I was hallucinating. At one point, I found myself awakening from what seemed to be an unending trance, only to find that I was still wandering. I sensed my imminent death. My body was shutting down, my mind was betraying me. I was losing my will to fight that which was engulfing me in this darkness. I was losing me. I no longer had any sense of time, no clarity of mind. I needed to rest for a moment. I surrendered and lay down on the floor of the forest…sinking into soft ground…finding comfort…sinking…sinking deeper…I cannot breathe!…sinking…lungs being compressed…no air. God! Guides! Angels! I need you NOW! Sinking…struggling for air…a black hand grabbing mine…

something massaging my feet…

the scent of frankincense burning…

an old hand holding mine…

flashes of bright white light in my body, in my mind…

a whisper in my ear…

“Breathe. You are safe, Wolf… just focus on your breath.”

I recognized this voice. It was familiar and wise. It was safe.

“Where am I?” I asked.

“Breathe, Wolf,” the voice encouraged.

With each breath, I saw flashes of light within my mind – this time more intense and glittering, golden white and purple dancing before me as if to entice me back to life. I recognized these lifelines of Light. My angels.

“Zir! Zembe!” I cried out.

“Yes, Wolf, your angels are here and helping you. Now, breathe…just breathe…no more outbursts as you need your strength,” the voice commanded.

“But, I can’t see; I can’t move,” I cried.

“Yes, we know,” the voice replied. “You are exhausted, and you are wounded. Now please, just breathe. Crone, you may take the herbs off of his eyes now. Wolf, we are going to uncover your eyes, but keep them closed for a few moments. Let them acclimate to the candlelight. You have been in darkness for quite some time, much longer than you know.” The flickering of candlelight transcended my eyelids with a welcome reflection of light. I smelled the smoke of cedar, sage and copal burning.

“Take another slow, deep breath, Wolf, and if you want to open your eyes, it should be fine as the herbs have taken effect.” Another breath and I opened my eyes, trying to focus, but seeing only vapor images in the presence of candlelight.

“Yes, Wolf, your angels, Zir and Zembe, are here. Your spirit guides, Crone and Samuel, are also here. Just breathe.” But it was difficult to breathe as my chest and body were convulsing with deep, cathartic eruptions of emotion; tears were streaming down my face and filling my ears as I lay on my back. Paralyzed and powerless, not knowing where I was or where I’d been, I sensed only that my team of guides had somehow saved me from something diabolic and were here with me now. I lay there releasing layers of sadness that arose from my fatigue and sense of unworthiness. Though I knew that I was being comforted and cared for, I sensed an impending loss. I sensed that I had died.

“King and Queen Nebu are here. Ariel and Erik are also here.”

In the presence of my spirit guides, I felt complete and perfect compassion surrounding me, filling me with light, healing me as I collapsed into my deepest ego wound.

“The spirits of the indigenous grandmother and grandfather are here,” the voice explained. “Your African warrior guide, Nomumbe, is also here. Wolf, you have returned to the realm of Spirit.”

I focused my gaze just long enough to see the old hand holding mine. My eyes followed the beautiful purple and gold robe up to the face and eyes of my wizard. Again, emotion overtook me, as this experience was unexpected and overwhelming, as I lay there with my ego-wound wide open, and vulnerable in the presence of my angels, my guides and my wizard. I was beginning to remember what had happened, piecing events together when the wizard, looking into the thoughts of my mind, chastised me.

“Wolf, enough! We also had to experience the profound mistakes of our immature, adolescent craft and our rebellion to our vocations. It is what made us wise and invited us to take our craft more seriously and to a level worthy of our calling. Each of us, like you, has our story and our wound. Now, we have our power. And now, you shall have yours. Though you may find it hard to understand what I am about to say, it is us – your teachers and guides – who should be counted worthy to be in your presence. It has been a long time since we experienced our adolescence, a long time since we completed our journeys through the dark night of the Forest. Your near-death of spirit and your return has reminded us of our own passages through the Forest – an important reminder, as we tend to forget. For many rotations of the Earth now, we have had the strength and support of our team. You, like us, had to be tested alone, stripped of everything and possessing nothing more than your heart, your compassion and your conviction. You have passed through this first, most important test, and you shall never be alone in your craft of healing. You now have us, your team. Nonetheless, there is a price to pay for this passage; you may not return to the physical realm that you once knew. You must remain here in the realm of Spirit. We will have plenty of time to talk more about these things but now, Wolf, you must sleep. Crone and Samuel will watch over you tonight and continue to heal your wounds while you rest. I am glad that you have returned, Wolf. I remember that night, long ago, when the carriage of Destiny arrived, carrying you and the young woman who is gifted with the medicine of Dragonfly. I wondered at that time, knowing that you were learning how to journey within the realm of Spirit, knowing that you were a candidate to the vocation of healing and sensing that you were to be tested in the Dark Forest, I wondered if you would pass the test. We Merlins know many things, but the knowledge of Destiny is veiled from us. Now I know, and I am honored to be your teacher. So, rest now. You have much healing and learning ahead of you here in the realm of Spirit.”

With those words, my wizard placed his right middle finger above my forehead, made four clockwise circles before gently resting his fingertip on my forehead and, in trance, I drifted, weightless, into a beautiful ancient paradise, into a place of deep and comforting rest.





II. A Visit to Soul


A beam of warm, golden sunlight entered through the tall, cathedral-like window and splashed upon the smooth, stone floor of the round room. I awoke to find Samuel resting his hand on my heart, and Crone resting her hand on my forehead. I felt peaceful as their energies flowed through my being, saturating every cell of my body with healing, golden-white light. I looked up into Crone’s eyes. She smiled. There was no need for her to speak as her presence was sufficient and communicated the essence of her compassion.

“Thank you for helping me, Crone,” I stated looking into her eyes. Samuel took his hand away from my heart, pulled a wooden chair up to the side of the bed, sat down and held my hand. “And thank you, Samuel, for being in the Forest with me. I saw you and Erik helping me there.” He smiled and nodded, but said nothing. “And you were also there, Crone.”

“We were all there, Wolf. All of us were with you,” Crone responded.

“Where exactly is there?”

“You entered the middle dimension, that dimension where spirit and the physical meet. It is where we spirit guides dwell and work on your behalf once we have mastered and transcended our own physical lives. You are in the middle dimension with us, your guides, here and now.”

“But, how did I enter into the Forest and then here?”

“I know that Merlin will want to talk with you about how you entered the Forest. As for how you got here, it is a very simple explanation. You invoked our help through your prayer. We could not have intervened on your behalf otherwise. That is when Nomumbe pulled you out of the grasp of the dark lords of the lower world.”

Confused, I asked, “So the black hand was…?”

“Yes, Wolf, the hand of Nomumbe, your African warrior guide. Your simple prayer gave us the immediate ability to intervene on your behalf. A few more moments, and we would not have been able to help you,” explained Crone.

“So, I wasn’t hallucinating when I saw Samuel, Eric and you?”

“No. In your state of exhaustion and delirium, your ego was diminished and, as you know, that is when you are able to see clearly in this dimension of Spirit. We were all defending you, keeping the energies of the darkness at bay until your test was completed when your prayer invoked our help. When you lay down in the Forest, you began a final descent into the underworld of the dark lords, a world that is very difficult to escape without the power of Light. Many are lost to that world because they have not been taught or trained in the mastery of Spirit. Many people do not know that spirit guides or this dimension of Spirit exist, let alone that our only task is to help guide them in their physical lives. We cannot intercede without their invocation of our help. It is just that simple, ‘Ask and receive.’ Many people who live within the physical realm are oblivious to Spirit. Yes, some have their religions, yet most are oblivious to the realms of Spirit that exist around and within them. Sometimes they begin to see us when they are dying, and we are preparing them for their transition. Some doctors and nurses write us off as a symptom of the patient’s delirium, but others know that we are actually present, and they speak to us, quietly thanking us for our help and for guiding the patient. I have been in this realm long enough that I am beginning to forget what it was like to live in the physical realm with all of its illusions, distractions, physical density and ego – things that were so important to me then, but now, I can’t recall what those were.”

“Do you remember anything about your physical life, Crone?”

“Lives, Wolf. Many lives, all simultaneous. Yes, I remember and am aware of the love, the souls of those whom I love and those who love me. That never dies. It is an eternal, never-ending energy and relationship. I don’t remember specific situations or their faces, only their names and their essences, and those are so very clear and familiar within my soul.”

“But, how?”

Crone placed her right, middle finger on my third eye and then instructed me: “Close your eyes, Wolf. Now, become very quiet and focus only upon your breath.” I closed my eyes, took a gentle, deep breath in, and then released a gentle exhalation. I began to see myself standing in what appeared to be a columned courtyard of an ancient temple. I looked up and beheld the most beautiful, starry night sky. I felt myself rising up to the sky and stars; then I looked all around and below me and saw nothing but stars in every direction. I felt a lightness of being before realizing that I no longer had a physical body. Then I entered into a soft, golden light.

“What do you hear?” Crone asked.

“I hear faint mumblings, as if there are a thousand whispers of prayer and chant.”

“What are you seeing?”

“Just light, warm golden light all around me, within me; my body doesn’t exist. There is nothing separating me from the light.”

“What are you feeling?”

“I am feeling the essence of my beloved sister, her presence within me; it is as if I am bathed in her love in this golden light. It is like a knowing, a profound knowing – nothing but the essence of her love for me.”

“She is thinking or praying about you in this moment, in her physical realm. While you are in the essence of her love, feel the essence of love that is you and bless her, from your heart, from this realm. She shall be comforted as she senses your presence and love.” I could feel only the loving essence of my sister. I could not see her, but I could feel her presence and love. In my essence, I embraced her within my purest love.

“Welcome to Soul, Wolf. This is what it is: the whisperings of prayer and chant, the light, the love, the knowing. It is where only the essence of our soul exists in the presence of Soul. There is no personality, no ego, no body, no judgment; there is only the essence of one’s heart, one’s pure mind, one’s soul. Now you know.” Opening my eyes, with tears streaming down my face and overwhelmed by what I had just seen, felt and become, I beheld Crone’s wise gaze and loving smile as if she, too, was savoring the beauty of what I had experienced.

“It is so…so beautiful, so…,” but Crone interrupted me.

“No, Wolf, it is the Beauty, the One, the Soul. It is the mind and heart of God.” I sat, speechless, trying to integrate what I had just experienced, trying to define the inexplicable. I wanted to go back, tried to go back immediately, but Crone read my thoughts and quickly intervened again.

“No, Wolf. It is not your time. You may only experience glimpses of Soul in preparation for your vocation in this middle realm. All of us who experience a fleeting glimpse of Soul want to remain there in the Beauty, the Light and the Love; yet, with each glimpse, within those few timeless seconds, it becomes more difficult and painful for us to return to this middle realm of Spirit.”

“If we are already in this middle dimension, as you call it, why are we not able to remain in the realm of Soul?”

“Soul is the final life. You are now in the middle life, that life and dimension between the physical life and the life in Soul, the dimension where you will learn the mastery of the vocation that we call spirit guide. Just as you had a physical life and a vocation of healing on Earth, you now have a spirit life and a vocation of healing here in the middle dimension. You have completed your healing vocation on Earth, and now, you will be learning from us, your guides, and helping those who are still living in physical form on Earth, just as we have helped and guided you. Welcome home, Wolf. Welcome back to the realm of Spirit. Welcome to your next vocation.”





III.     Breakfast in the Garden


I awoke in the morning to find Samuel sitting bedside with me; this time, his hands were folded in prayer upon his lap. My stirring and stretching brought him out of his prayer, still and silent, smiling and present.

“Good morning, Samuel. Have you been here for awhile?” I enquired of him.

“I have been with you most of the night as well as this morning. Your healing is complete, and your spirit is now whole. In these days, the Forest is darker than ever, and it requires deeper, longer and more profound healing to right the wounds of those who journey through it. Are you hungry?”


“A good sign. Come now; your robe is laid out for you there, next to the wardrobe.”

On a long, low table lay the most beautiful indigo blue robe covered with sacred symbols, all stitched with silver thread. In the morning sunlight, the silver symbols were illuminated. In reverence for the beauty with which it had been crafted, I gently lifted the robe. It had no weight! I turned to Samuel.

Samuel smiled. “It is crafted by faeries and angels, the best of both dimensions. And yes, it is made with real quicksilver; perfect for dining. Shall we?” I placed the robe over my shoulders. Though it had no weight, I felt as if I were shrouded and protected in pure love. Samuel motioned us toward the doorway, led me down a spiral stairwell that appeared to be carved and crafted from one stone and then through a long stone corridor. Though I saw no windows in the stone, both the stairwell and corridor seemed to be naturally sunlit. Samuel stopped before two large, wood plank doors, and turned toward me.

“We are about to enter the garden where we shall receive our sustenance. It may be a little bright for your eyes, but you shall acclimate quickly.”

As Samuel opened the plank doors, a beam of vibrant, rainbow-colored light penetrated the corridor. Samuel took my hand and led me into a near-blinding garden of light, color, and vibration. The effect was overwhelming: intense light and color all coming at me at once. A simple peach tree in the center of the garden was emitting golden-green waves of light from its leaves and golden-pink waves of light from what seemed like hundreds of juicy, ripe peaches. The grass of the garden emitted a golden-green hue, also blending the luscious green of the grass with the liquid gold of the sunlight. A fountain of water in the corner appeared as liquid silver emitting vibrating pulses of silver-white light. Birds bathing in the fountain were splashing waves of color with each movement of their wings. Everything pulsed with a subtle, loving vibration. As I looked at the peach tree, I could feel its energy pulsing within me. I experienced  intense sensations in response to everything that existed within this place, this holy and sacred place. A hummingbird’s flight from one flower to another sent waves of vibration through me and left living, pulsing waves of iridescent blue, green and purple trailing behind it. I could feel the blue-purple flowers of the morning glory vine vibrating inside of me. Even the scents were intense; only when I focused upon one thing could I smell its most subtle tones and in a most extreme way. When I focused on the peaches and the grass, their subtle tones would blend into a uniquely new scent that was different and beautiful. Samuel plucked a peach from a branch of the tree and handed it to me. Like my robe, it had no weight.

“Faerie gardeners, also?” I asked.

“Take a bite.”

“Oh Samuel, this reminds me of a story that didn’t end so well.” Samuel smiled. The flavor of the peach, like its color and essence, was intense. The pulp and the juice vibrated in my mouth and continued to vibrate all through my body when I swallowed it. I could feel its essence entering and integrating with each cell of my being.

“Are you still hungry?”

“Samuel, in this moment I can’t remember what hunger is, let alone, what it feels like. One bite of the peach, and I am satiated with fullness and love to the core of my being.”

“Most of the time, I just come here and breathe it in; that is sufficient sustenance for me in what would be equivalent to many years of sustenance in your former time frame. Density and weight are essential in the physical realm. Essence, alone, is all that is necessary here. Much of your experience in this realm will be your memory of what something looked like, tasted like and felt like in the physical realm, combined with its purest, most intense essence here in the realm of Spirit. You see me as a vibrant, but old man. I have no age here, only my vibrant essence. But you experience my essence combined with your memory of me as an old, wise king. Humans, working in the unseen reality, still need a physical tag, a physical memory or veneer, so that they know we are with them. This is similar to the names that your angels allowed you to give them. Zir and Zembe have never had names for they are simply pure vibration, light and color. But how would you invoke their presence and assistance without a name or label of angel? This I will teach you – how to invoke and experience Essence without the encumbrance of a physical memory. Come now; it is time for you to remember the essence of Egyptian cotton sheets. It is time for you to rest; too much intensity must be balanced with stillness.”





IV. Apprentice



I awoke from a comforting rest, having experienced a beautiful dream of Spirit. In the dream, I had been walking a beautiful, natural path on Earth with masters and avatars, all of us in silence; there was no thought, no judgment, no ego. There was also no sense of my being different or separate from these masters – no sense of worth, nor lack of worth. We simply walked in meditation and silence, together. In the dream, I was keenly aware that many masters had been walking this path before us. Then I awoke in a state of profound peace. I was contemplating the dream when Merlin appeared at the doorway.

“A most beautiful dream, Wolf,” Merlin commented to my surprise. “May I enter?”

I smiled and motioned him to enter.

“The path in your dream is ageless. It is known as the Path of Peace and all who are initiated in the Light have walked it within their dream time. In truth, the masters of Light have dreamt it into reality, a place where we can simply contemplate peace together, with no separation. Walking together. Simply One.”

We sat in silent contemplation for some time before Merlin broke the silence – not verbally, but in my mind, telepathically.

It is time to begin your training as a healing spirit guide. You will apprentice with each of your guides as they provide help to those in physical form, those who invoke our help from their realm. As you have experienced, each of your guides is gifted differently, and so you will have very diversified experiences, which will prepare you to work alone, as well as in team. Any questions thus far? Merlin asked.

     Shall I respond in thought? I transmitted telepathically.

“Well done, Wolf; you are a quick study! When we communicate verbally with each other, those whom we are helping are able to hear us clearly. So, when we are working in team, communication is always telepathic,” Merlin explained. “We are here to help them, not to confuse them in their time of need. An exception to this rule is in those moments when a healer, shaman or medicine man is invoking our presence in a ritual or a healing. At those times, you are able to discern if verbal communication may be helpful. The beauty of this apprenticeship is that you will experience the spirit side of the healing processes in which you had participated while you were living in the physical realm. At that time, you invoked our help and guidance; and now, your help and guidance shall be invoked by those souls who live within the physical realm. Your last life and healing vocation were a demonstration of heart and compassion. In this spirit life, it shall be no different.”

I perceived that it was now an appropriate time to ask Merlin about my journey through the Dark Forest which prompted my transition from the physical realm to the realm of Spirit. Without questioning him, Merlin responded, “Yes, it is time for you to understand much of what transpired in your final physical life.” Magically, Crone appeared before us.

“It is time to begin, Wolf,” Crone proclaimed. “Our help has just been invoked.”

“Go with Crone, Wolf, and follow her lead,” Merlin encouraged. “You are ready now. We shall have moments later to continue our conversation.”

Crone took my right hand in her left hand and placed her right middle finger on my third eye. We were teleported to a dark, dingy bar. Though we were in spirit form, I could smell stale beer on the filthy floors and the unmistakable scent of urine from an out-of-service bathroom. An overweight, disheveled bartender was wiping down the bar while his only customer, an aging transvestite, sat at the end of the bar crying: wig askew, mascara running, a tumbler of vodka in front of him. He was surrounded by several dark spirits who were whispering into his ears.

Crone transmitted: I have been working with this tormented soul for many years. Until he receives the help that he needs, all that we can provide is a respite from the voices that reside within his mind. But first I want to show you what has lead to this moment.

     As we approached the transvestite, the spirits surrounding him backed up, leaving him alone. Crone placed her left hand on his forehead and her right middle finger on my third eye. In my mind, I saw this aging transvestite as a young teenage boy being gang-raped by a group of men in a dark alley. “Fucking sissy!” They groaned as they violated him. Then I saw him later in his young adulthood, performing as a drag queen in a gay bar: vodka in one hand, a cigarette in the other, growling slurred offences at the audience. I viewed him in his dump of a boarding room, surrounded by ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts, drinking himself to sleep night after night with a bottle of cheap vodka.      

Crone transmitted: These spirits are the voices of all who have tormented and violated him over the years. Whenever he summons our help, the spirits retreat as the light that we bring and represent is repellent to their darkness. When the voices become overwhelming, he knows to invoke our help.

     Crone placed her right hand on the transvestite’s forehead and her left hand on the back of his head. I could see a loop of blinding light created by Crone’s hands, clearing the voices and images in the transvestite’s mind.

Crone transmitted: Wolf, begin to create a loop of compassion through his heart chakra. I placed my right hand on the front of his heart and my left hand behind his heart. I summoned the compassion of all healing masters and began to feel the intense, beautiful warmth of compassion flow through me and through the heart of the transvestite. I was brought to tears. The dark spirits disappeared. The transvestite collapsed into deep sobbing, his head on the bar; relieved, if only for a moment.

The bartender picked up the phone and ordered a taxi. “Hey, Johnny. I need a cab at the Stonewall Inn. Yeah, it’s Cheri. She needs a ride home. Thanks, guy.” Crone and I maintained the looping energies through Cheri until a shield of light and compassion could be seen throughout and around him.

Crone transmitted: This will protect him for a while, but without proper help and healing, as well as nourishment of his soul, the voices will return to continue his torment. This is Cheri’s cycle. A taxi driver entered the front door of the bar and, with the help of the bartender, carried Cheri to the taxi.

Crone took my hand, once again, and we were teleported back to the realm of Spirit. We arrived at the garden where Merlin and Ariel, my guide and light-being, awaited our return.

“Well done, Wolf,” Merlin stated. “You truly understand the source and power of compassion. Your invocation of the compassion of the masters was beautiful. Ariel has just now received an invocation for help from a mother and child who are in the desert. Go with her now as there is no time to waste.”




V. Drought in the Desert


Ariel was different from my other spirit guides in that she appeared as a light-being with a translucent physical form. She approached me and surrounded me within her light, and we were teleported to a drought-ridden desert. The sun was blinding and hot. On the dry, baked desert floor lay the body of an emaciated African woman, her emaciated baby lying only a few feet away from her. Their breathing was labored. They were dying. Though her mouth did not move, I could hear the mother’s prayers: Help my baby. Please, help my baby. Only a few feet away from the baby, hungry vultures were held at bay by two strings of shining, colored light – the baby’s angels.

Ariel began to transmit: They are only moments away from their physical death, Wolf. Disconnect the mother’s luminous soul body and hold it here until I have the baby’s soul body. We shall deliver them, together, into Soul.

     I began reversing the mother’s chakras, starting with the heart, then the emotional chakra, followed by the throat, sacral, third eye, root and crown chakras. Despite the blinding sun, I could see the iridescent, luminous soul body of the mother rise slowly from her physical body. The breathing of the body stopped, and her luminous body floated around my hands. Ariel lifted the luminous body of the baby and carefully brought it to me, before joining together the souls of the mother and her beloved child. Their angels surrounded Ariel and me, protecting us and the souls as we began to rise to the sky. I looked down and could see the vultures begin to peck at the flesh of the lifeless bodies. We continued to rise, holding the combined soul of mother and child, escorted by their angels into a sky full of stars. I looked down and again could see only stars around and below us as we entered the golden light of Soul. Once again, I experienced the whisperings of prayer and chant, the light, the love and the knowing within Soul. The souls of the mother and child were reunited, once again, in the essence of Soul.

     Ariel? May we stay just for a moment longer? I transmitted.

     No, Wolf, our work is done. We must return to Spirit, she replied. I felt Ariel’s love and light envelop me before returning to the Land of Spirit. We were met in the garden by Merlin and all of my guides. Surrounded by the sustenance of Spirit, the loving compassion of my guides and the wisdom of Merlin, I broke down in tears; my heart was overflowing with the fullness of love after delivering the souls of mother and child. My guides encircled me and, in unison, held me with the transmission, Well done.

“Yes, Wolf. Well done,” Merlin affirmed. “Breathe, Wolf, and take in the sustenance of the garden. This has been an intense introduction to your vocation as a spirit guide. Please trust that this intensity will subside as you continue your apprenticeship. Remember that we are your team, your teachers. You shall never be alone in this work. Even when your help is invoked as a solo guide, you may still invoke our presence as you see fit. No longer are you a lone wolf.”

I experienced comfort in Merlin’s words and began to integrate the sustenance of the garden, feeling the strength of Spirit integrating within my essence. I looked up and into the eyes of each of my guides. Without word or thought, I received a knowing from them: We understand. And now, you understand.

      Merlin extended his hand and led me, alone, through the garden’s gate and into the Land of Spirit. The beauty was astounding: rolling green pastures, grandmother trees, grandfather mountains, healing streams, wildflowers, animal spirits grazing and birds singing. And though the sky was blue, I could still see the stars and planets. Unlike my life in the physical realm, I felt at one with the essence of the astral. No separation. Merlin led us toward a tree standing on the bank of one of the healing streams.

“Come, let us sit quietly with the grandmother tree,” Merlin encouraged.

We sat in silence as the healing stream gently trickled past us. The spirit of the tree comforted me, much like a grandmother holds and nurtures a newborn babe. A young deer, grazing in the pasture, slowly approached us and lay down next to me.

Merlin broke the silence. “This gentle soul has brought you the gift of its medicine. Look into its eyes.”

I looked into the eyes of the deer, holding its gentle gaze. Its medicine of gentleness and trust entered and integrated within the essence of my soul. I thanked Deer for this gift and transmitted my love and gratitude for its medicine. The deer slowly rose and returned to graze in the pasture. I recalled the moment in my physical life, during an initiation, when the spirit of a gray wolf entered my mind, my heart, my soul, and became my primary medicine. I remembered my naming ritual, receiving my spirit name from my medicine men. “You are Sunkmanitu Tanka Hota. You are Gray Wolf. You are teacher, and you will share the wisdom and love of Spirit with the children of Mother Earth, the children of Spirit.” Though I had fulfilled my vocation on Earth, I was only now beginning to fathom the depth and profound beauty of this healing vocation of Spirit.

“All are called,” Merlin explained, “But few answer the call. And, only some of those


who do accept the call of Spirit actually complete their vocation. Many will have to reincarnate several times in order to complete their calling. Without diligent nurture of their vocation, some become distracted by ego or the physical life; or they simply come to believe that vocation is a one-time experience, then slowly forget their calling. Some become disconnected from their experience of Spirit. Others simply become bored with the vocation.” There it was. Merlin was referring to my last life and reminding me how I had become bored with my vocation and distracted by ego.

“Yes, Wolf.” Merlin responded to my thought. “You became bored and sought out more exciting paths in your spiritual adolescence. Though you had incarnated through thousands of lives, many of which were spent in spiritual vocation, you simply grew bored and sought out man-made ego distractions.”

A tear flowed down my cheek as I recalled the responsibility of my healing vocation and the mentoring of healers within my former life. I recalled how I had sought out the adolescent magic of recreational drugs and dance clubs in dark alleyways on the wrong side of town. I remembered being drenched with sweat in an artificial, ecstatic, drug-induced state on the dance floor and thinking, Spirit? What am I doing here?  But the lure of the man-made lights, the beat of the drum and bass and the vibratory effect of the drugs all contributed to my embrace of the contact high of hundreds of others who were under the same artificial influence and who were, like myself, becoming addicted to the experience. I remembered seeking escape from the responsibility of my vocation whenever the opportunity presented itself. I remembered spending time with a gifted channeler of angelic light and wisdom. She cautioned me, “I am aware that you are dancing with adolescent magicians, Wolf. Please be forewarned that some of them are actually gifted, mature, dark magicians who will seek to reverse your powers. This is their vocation of darkness.” Recalling these memories from my former life, I began to spiral downward into remorse. My tears began to flow once again. I looked up at Merlin and saw only deep compassion within his wise eyes.

“Please don’t forget the medicine that Deer has gifted you. Enter the gentleness, Wolf. Trust this moment. This vocation is not one of perfection. It is one of intention,  learning and integrity. Now do you understand your journey into and through the Dark Forest?” Merlin asked.

With sadness, I humbly responded, “Yes.”

“You and your vocation were in danger. I had to pull you out of that life and bring you through the Dark Forest, stripping you of all ego and leaving you with only one opportunity to invoke our help in the midst of total darkness. And you did just that. Self- judgment and regret will not serve you. You passed the test, and your power and gifts have been renewed. Only love, intention, healing and alignment with Spirit will serve you now. Dancing with darkness is no longer an option.”

Merlin’s words and compassion held me as I relived the memories of my previous life and vocation. We sat in silence as I received the gentleness and beauty of Spirit. I became one with the flow and trickle of the healing stream, experiencing the cleansing that it provided. I simply focused on releasing ego judgments as they arose in my mind, and I entered quiet understanding in the presence of Merlin. A raven called from its perch above us in the grandmother tree, then descended to land upon my leg. I looked into its eyes and held its gaze. Come, it transmitted. We are being called.

“Go with Raven,” Merlin encouraged. “Its medicine has been invoked in a healing ceremony.”





VI. Flight of the Prayers


I held my gaze on Raven’s eyes and became one with Raven, entering its spirit. We took flight through the astral, then circled over a gathering of medicine men sitting around an evening fire. They were drumming and chanting in their indigenous tongue, invoking in absentia healing on behalf of a descendant of the tribe who had lost his way on the path of Spirit. The medicine men gave gratitude to Raven for arriving into their ritual in order to carry the ceremonial healing to the soul of a grandson of the tribe. Their prayers rose up and entered Raven as it circled over the fire. When their ritual was complete, Raven flew through the astral once again and hovered over a city, descending into a brothel where the native son was engaging in sex with a prostitute, a half-empty pint of whiskey on the nightstand. Raven flew directly into his soul, where the prayers of the grandfathers were released. In my mind I could see flashes of his life: his presence on the reservation, his participation as a young man in the rituals of the tribal men, receiving his feathers in native ceremony and then leaving his tribe and tradition for the modern life of the city. Raven arose out of the young man’s soul, then circled above him. Still penetrating the unsuspecting prostitute, he stopped thrusting, looked up and around the room in confusion,  jumped up and grabbed his pants and then threw money on the nightstand, leaving the whiskey and running out of the brothel. As I witnessed this young man’s conflict in the presence of his elders prayers, I could hear his inner question, Spirit? What am I doing here?

Raven took flight through the astral, once again landing in Spirit where Merlin remained seated by the grandmother tree. I resumed my spirit form, and Raven flew off and into the grandmother forest. I reflected on what I had just experienced while carrying the prayers of the elders to that conflicted son of Spirit. Empathy, understanding and compassion rose up within me for the young man, and for myself. The grace of Spirit.

Once again I entered a state of gratitude for what Merlin and Spirit were teaching me in this realm of beauty, vocation, and healing. I became one with the Grandmother tree, receiving her nurture. I became the flow of the healing stream and experienced its cleansing. I became one with the gentle breeze of Spirit and received its wisdom.

Crone, Samuel and Eric, with sword in scabbard, appeared before Merlin and me.

Crone stated, “Our presence has been invoked in a shamanic healing. Come, Wolf.”






VII.     Dark Entity


I stood with Crone, Samuel and Eric, joining their circle. Hand in hand, we were teleported through the astral and arrived in the altar room of a shaman. Lit candles with flickering flames illuminated the perimeter of the room. In the center of the room was a large woolen blanket. The shaman sat in trance upon the blanket, softly drumming the heartbeat of Mother Earth on his drum. Spread out upon the blanket in front of the shaman were an eagle feather, a large quartz crystal, a rattle and a copaleria with the smoke of sage, cedar, sweetgrass and copal rising up and permeating the room. In the center of the blanket lay a young woman – eyes closed, naked and in trance. The shaman addressed our arrival with spoken gratitude, “Thank you, Spirit. Thank you, guides.” I observed a black vapor attached to the young woman’s neck and left shoulder. The vapor pulsed, slowly pulling the young woman’s soul energy out of her. Samuel sat at the young woman’s feet, Eric stood at her head and pulled his sword of light from its scabbard. The black vapor elongated, attempting to escape the light of Eric’s sword, yet unwilling to detach from the young woman. I looked to Crone and transmitted: A dark spirit entity has attached to her. Crone stood next to me and placed her right middle finger upon my third eye. As the shaman’s drum continued to beat, Crone transmitted images of all that had led to this moment.

I was shown an old, vacant warehouse. Worn, old, stained mattresses were laid out upon the dirty warehouse floor; crushed beer cans, cigarette butts, junk food wrappers, broken glass, used condoms, discarded syringes and an empty whisky bottle littered the floor surrounding the mattresses. The young woman, disheveled and filthy, sat next to an older man on one of the mattresses. Two younger men rested on the other mattresses, while another sat and smoked crack cocaine from a glass pipe. The older man prepared a syringe with heroin from a spoonful of liquid that bubbled over the flame of a lighter. The young woman prepared the vein of her arm by tightly tying a piece of soft rubber around her arm just above her elbow. The older man looked closely for a vein, then injected the young woman with the heroin. Her body immediately went limp upon the mattress. The older man unzipped her dirty jeans and yanked them to her knees, saying, “Okay, guys. Have at it.” One by one, each of the younger men arose and mounted the young woman, violating her mercilessly while the heroin coursed through her veins. That is when I witnessed the dark entity, appearing as black vapor, enter and attach to her body.

I was shown a meeting room within a church where the young woman sat and talked within a circle of other people who were listening intently. “I’ve been clean from heroin for six months now, but…” Her voice broke, and she began to cry. She regained her composure and continued, “I’m not able to sleep. When I close my eyes at night, I’m surrounded by these dark spirits that feel diabolical, that invade my dreams. At times they are ripping and devouring my flesh. I awaken in a sweat, sometimes screaming.” She began to cry again. “I need help. It’s getting worse.” The man seated next to her pulled out a pen and paper and wrote something before handing it to her. He whispered, “This is the name of my shaman. He can help you.”

My awareness returned to the altar room of the shaman. He had stopped drumming and was now lying upon the blanket next to the young woman, holding the crystal in the palm of his left hand. Crone sat behind the shaman and, with both hands extended over him, created a protective barrier of light that enveloped his entire body. Crone transmitted: It is essential that we protect him prior to detaching the entity. Without protection, the entity will attempt to attach to the shaman. Eric raised his sword and with one surgical movement detached the black vapor from the young woman’s body. Eric immediately pierced the vapor with his sword, then disappeared. The young woman collapsed into cathartic sobbing. The shaman arose and knelt down at the young woman’s head. With his mouth near the crown of her head, he took a deep breath and then blew the young woman’s luminous soul back into her body. The shaman arose again, picked up the eagle feather and began brushing the smoke from the copaleria over her body. Samuel transmitted a beautiful golden light into the young woman’s feet that rose up through her being, illuminating her body while the shaman anointed her chakras, neck and shoulder with sacred oils of amber and sandalwood before covering her body with a warm blanket. Crone summoned me: Come, Wolf. Samuel will stay.

     Crone placed her finger upon my third eye, and we were teleported into the Dark Forest where Erik stood encircled by seven columns of light, sword with black vapor drawn above his head. With one powerful thrust, Eric pierced the floor of the forest with his sword, sending the dark entity back into the realm of the dark lords. Erik placed his sword in his scabbard, then joined Crone and me before we were teleported back to the Land of Spirit where Samuel was now sitting with Merlin under the grandmother tree.






VIII.     Council of Thirteen


We sat in silence with Merlin, listening to the gentle trickle of the healing stream. My other guides appeared and joined us: King and Queen Nebu, Nomumbe, Ariel, the indigenous grandfather and grandmother. Raven flew down from the grandmother tree, and circled around us before gently landing on Crone’s shoulder. Deer approached us from the pasture and lay down next to the golden light of Ariel. She gently stroked its dappled coat, illuminating its body with the path of her hand. A gray wolf appeared on the bank of the healing stream and approached me before it lay down at my side. I sat, quietly reflecting upon all that I had witnessed and experienced while assisting my guides: the suffering, the healing, the darkness, the light. Merlin broke the silence.

“You have witnessed many things as you have assisted your guides, Wolf,” he began. “You have witnessed suffering; you have witnessed healing; and you understand that which you have witnessed. Nonetheless, I know that one question remains within you that you do not yet understand. And that question is Why? It is now time for me to show you the answer to that age-old question.” I looked around to each of my guides and saw within their eyes that they understood what Merlin was about to show me.

“Come, Wolf. Stand,” Merlin commanded. I stood and entered the circle of my guides. Merlin approached me and instructed, “You will need my protection. Simply step forward and into my spirit. Once you are within me, do not communicate either verbally or telepathically. You must remain in silence until we have returned here to the Land of Spirit.” Trusting Merlin’s wisdom, I stepped forward and entered his spirit. Bright light flashed throughout me as the Land of Spirit faded away. All that I could see within Merlin was the astral of stars and planets, the beauty of the sacred geometry of the celestials exposed within the essence of Merlin’s soul. We entered the physical realm, descending into an underground structure. I could feel the heavy density as we passed through the deep, bunker-like walls of the structure. We stood against the inner wall of what appeared to be a round conference room. In the center of the room was a large, round table. Thirteen men, wearing suits and ties, were seated around the table. In front of each man was a document. As Merlin and I stood a short distance behind one of the men, twelve other Merlins, cloaked in invisibility, manifested through the circular wall of the round room and stood a short distance behind the other twelve men who were seated at the table. One man began to speak.

“We have now arrived at the final days of the plan of world dominance, the very plan that has been passed down to us through generations of our forefathers. Dominance of the Earth, dominance of all resources and dominance of  humanity are now ours. The document in front of you details the completion of the plan.” The thirteen Merlins stepped forward and stood directly behind each of the men. The leader continued, “We now possess all of the gold; we now command all of the world’s current leaders; we now command the world’s militaries; we now control the petroleum of the Earth; we now control the food and water of the Earth; and, through our technologies, we now control the weather and what appear to be natural catastrophes. The document before you details the specific order of events that we shall implement in these last days in order to seal the final dominance of humanity and the completion of the Experiment.” Each of the Merlins began to illuminate and amplify a blinding light that transcended the physical bodies of the men. The documents upon the table ignited in flame and burned to ash. The leader stood and shouted, “Goddammit! They’re here!” The leader pushed a button on the table; a steel door opened and the thirteen men quickly rose and filed out of the room. The steel door shut, sealing the room. Like a vapor, the Merlins vanished. Merlin and I re-entered the beauty of the astral before returning to the Land of Spirit and the gathering of my guides under the Grandmother tree.








IX. Merlin’s Wisdom


Merlin began, “Any questions, Wolf?”

I looked around at my guides, before returning my gaze to Merlin.

“What did they mean by the ‘Experiment,’ and why couldn’t the Merlins merely overtake and destroy these men?” I asked.

“The Experiment is what some call the battle between Darkness and Light, which was established upon the creation of humanity. Earth was created as the battleground. It is very simple, Wolf. When given the opportunity, will humanity choose the Darkness or the Light? From the beginning of humanity, some have chosen dominance through lust of power and greed. But our souls, and the souls of the men that you have just witnessed, are all from the same source: Soul. Darkness is merely the absence of Light. We are not permitted to engage in the battle; it is not our right to dominate the choice of those who engage the Darkness. We may only balance their chosen Darkness with our chosen Light. That is all that we are permitted to do. The only difference between those men and us lies in the choices that we, and they, have made. Within Soul, they are us, and we are them. There is no separation. The Light and the Darkness have always co-existed within the All That Is. You, like us, have traveled through the Dark Forest many times throughout your thousands of lives, and each time you have, as we have, chosen the Light. Through the choices made by the dominant force of those men, as well as their ancestors, their souls have been compromised. They are intelligent men, yet their souls have entered an ignorance of Spirit and Soul that they do not understand. The black vapor of the dark entity attached to that suffering young woman was none other than a soul that, through thousands of lives, has chosen the Darkness over the Light – a soul so compromised that it must now attempt to feed upon the soul energy of another. The suffering of humanity is born out of the Darkness and always presents humanity with the opportunity to choose the Light. Humanity has, time and again, disconnected itself from Spirit and Soul, only to choose to re-emerge in the Light. It is cyclical. And though it appears that humanity is being dominated by the Darkness at this time, the truth is that the Light is re-emerging. Even through humankind’s current and intentional destruction of the Earth, she is awakening, as are the souls of humanity. If the Earth must remove humankind in order to restore herself to balance, then so it shall be; but the death of humanity is neither the death of Spirit nor the death of Soul. So let us, as spirit, continue to serve humanity in love, in light, in healing through compassion.” Merlin paused and held his gaze with mine. “Do you now understand why you are here with us, your teachers and guides, in the realm of Spirit?” Merlin asked.

“Yes, Merlin. I do.”

Merlin looked to Samuel and stated, “It is now time, Samuel.”





X. Into the Astral


Samuel looked to me and began, “Our dear Wolf, it has truly been an honor to guide you in your physical life and to assist you in your vocation of healing. It has been an honor for us to return to the Land of Spirit to be with you and to protect you through your passage of the Dark Forest. And now, it is equally an honor to join you as a healing team within the realm of Spirit. Your training is complete, and it is now time for all of us to return to the essence of Spirit. It is no longer necessary for you to hold on to the physical imagery of this Land of Spirit, for we shall now co-exist with you in the essence of Spirit, awaiting invocation by those who remain in the physical realm of Earth and who need our presence, help and guidance.” Samuel stood and approached me, removed a vial from the pocket of his robe and anointed my third eye with the essence of amber and sandalwood. Samuel continued, “Though the veil of the Land of Spirit shall now fade away, we remain with you. Always. Crone, it is now time.”

Crone arose and approached me. She took her right middle finger and began to circle my third eye, this time in a counter-clockwise direction. The imagery of the Land of Spirit began to fade away, like a vapor, leaving only the essence of my spirit and soul within the beauty of the astral of stars and planets. Nothing but stars and planets surrounded me.

     We are always with you, Wolf, Merlin transmitted within the silence of the astral.

Thank you, Merlin. I feel your presence.

I simply rested in the dimension of the stars and planets of the astral, contemplating all that I had learned on this strangely beautiful journey with Merlin and my guides, when I heard a gentle, distant, intermittent buzzing that very slowly came toward me. It became more intense, irritating my mind and transporting me further from the peace within the astral. I opened my eyes and saw the alarm clock on my nightstand flashing 8:00am, 8:00am, 8:00am.

I looked down at my feet where my feline friend, Little Guy, was now awakening and stretching upon the duvet of my bed. In a daze, I shut off the alarm. The menu of the film Baraka illuminated the television screen. Little Guy approached my head and began gently licking my forehead, then my nose. I smelled the scent of amber and sandalwood.

Merlin? I questioned within my mind.

Yes, Wolf. We are with you. Always.



The end.